Me and the dark demons inside me know what we had been through when it came to the first impression we leave! It had always been far from good impression. It had been crude, like a raw apple from some poor man’s garden who couldn’t afford to plant exotic hybrid seeds so the apples when they ripe are sweet but by the looks of them they don’t even attract the kids next door to steal by throwing stones at them. It had always been awkward, like the other person for a second believes that I am possibly retarded because they take moments before uttering words as if choosing the right ones for what if for my retarded looking self they won’t appear polite. It had always been without connection because it never followed the basic routine of conversation and why would anyone connect with someone who doesn’t know how to a smile, show glistening teeth at a stranger and wave the hand with extended joints giving away an aura of fake belief that clearly whispers in the air, ‘Have I not known you forever?’

I had been a sucker but then when I was young, I read somewhere that ‘keep it real’ and it did make a lot of sense back then. I don’t know what happened now. Maybe the rules changed the moment I entered the game.

One thing still makes me stay up whole night is that why the impression we leave on others is so important? why I take the guilty pleasure in getting a good impression on someone? Why it makes me feel so validated when I pass the standard set for a good impression, when I smile the eight extent, make the right gestures and choose the right words?

Even our genetics couldnt manage to create identical finger impressions in identical twins. If nature is failed to set a standard for being an eligible human being, how come I strive so hard to pass the test of standard good impression on others?


The mask I wear to hide my ugliness from your disguised rotten self!

The rope of lies I throw at your ears perfected to play deaf!
The glasses of superficial vision you wear to judge my fake beauty!

You judge the roles I fake, and you judge like it’s your duty!
The silent gait with I pass by appears to you, needs your concern

I lowered my voice, to be unheard, and to listen unsaid you learned
The costume I wear for the act, you speak of what’s beneath yet you don’t see

I am tangled in thread of Faking, and you hate me ,for you think I am free
The show is on and not either of us is refrained from the act

From the seat you watch, and how good you watch, i watch back
The theatre goes on forever, as they brought in a civilized custom 

They made us free, free to become anything but we, and leashed our freedom

My Sun

When you came first time, you brought a spark

lamp of gold shining bright in dark
You told me you got me my own sun

Mesmerised, i belived that it was the one
I danced in joy of the golden light

I rotated around, rejoiced at its sight
As i kept falling harder, and harder i fell

Sun was gone and he as well
He took away the lamp to look for his broken star

I stood right there, light kept moving far
Then he came second time empty handed

Explained that the light soon would be landed
I knew this time it wasnt golden sun

In doubt i waited, and nothing happened
It was last straw as you come and go

You played enough with my desire to love
Now as i sit here i started to think

I will find my own star that wont stop to blink
I will search inside of me deep down

I will follow my own light, my heart’s sound
So now if you ever think to return, just know

I found my sun, you might try and get some snow

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