Ode to my writing fears.

It had been quite a long time.
Long enough to write a poem that might not rhyme 

Number of times I changed my mind about what to say.

Times I stoped the word on the tip on my tongue just right there

Times I wrote a text and deleted away

And send a smile emoticon, leaving it all unsaid

Countless thoughts in my head don’t get to the paper and pen 

I don’t think I want to write anymore to be a good writer 

I just want to do it, so that I can feel free, I can feel lighter 

I don’t want to write because I have such great ideas

I want to write because a paper doesn’t tell me it was a lesser thought 

The pen doesn’t score me that i can think better 

I am tired of being so quite 

I wrote sheets and sheets but the paper still appears white 

I am tired of being tied to express the good quality thought 

I felt fake every time I had a good idea because of attention it caught 

I am so quite and I can’t even talk to you

Your idea of me is too high and I am scared of you 

I wish you never loved me sometimes I wish I never had any talent 

I wish its still a myth because I want to talk not quote mind

You understand that I want to talk to you because I feel alone at night 

I get nightmares and get strangulated in sleep 

My soul is terrorized from the level of expectations you see

I think ten times before I open my mouth now but that’s not how I want to live 

Set me free and let me be

I want to talk and I want to speak 

I don’t have anything to say, no story no poetry 

I just want to sit and talk and want you to listen and respond 

I want you to know that I am not perfect and I feel haunted with the ghost of perfection


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