Me and the dark demons inside me know what we had been through when it came to the first impression we leave! It had always been far from good impression. It had been crude, like a raw apple from some poor man’s garden who couldn’t afford to plant exotic hybrid seeds so the apples when they ripe are sweet but by the looks of them they don’t even attract the kids next door to steal by throwing stones at them. It had always been awkward, like the other person for a second believes that I am possibly retarded because they take moments before uttering words as if choosing the right ones for what if for my retarded looking self they won’t appear polite. It had always been without connection because it never followed the basic routine of conversation and why would anyone connect with someone who doesn’t know how to a smile, show glistening teeth at a stranger and wave the hand with extended joints giving away an aura of fake belief that clearly whispers in the air, ‘Have I not known you forever?’
I had been a sucker but then when I was young, I read somewhere that ‘keep it real’ and it did make a lot of sense back then. I don’t know what happened now. Maybe the rules changed the moment I entered the game.
One thing still makes me stay up whole night is that why the impression we leave on others is so important? why I take the guilty pleasure in getting a good impression on someone? Why it makes me feel so validated when I pass the standard set for a good impression, when I smile the eight extent, make the right gestures and choose the right words?
Even our genetics couldnt manage to create identical finger impressions in identical twins. If nature is failed to set a standard for being an eligible human being, how come I strive so hard to pass the test of standard good impression on others?